Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
