"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
