she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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