eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
should my penis look like a turkey
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
