i don't like sucking hair
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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