They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
