trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize