Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
