I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
