I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
