Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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