I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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