I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
