The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
