12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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