White coat. Heels.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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