I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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