oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Semen is not good for contacts.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
