Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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