note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
