I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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