This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
