Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
