I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
