She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
