im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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