I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
