its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
