I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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