I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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