I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
