You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
