He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
