she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
