I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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