it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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