this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
