what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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