just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize