You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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