i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
