Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
