i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
