today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You dont lie about slip and slides
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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