You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
