The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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