You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
