I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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