Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
