we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
