Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
