The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
