It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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