The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize