he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
