we're chasing vodka with high fives
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
