You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
