Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
