she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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