I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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