I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
