There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
