I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
