I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish they made helmets for livers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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