Quick, to the slutcave!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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