You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
