so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize