After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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