Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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