its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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