if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
