I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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