What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
