We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize