There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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