I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
