rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
