I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
