A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
