You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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