There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
