Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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