OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
