Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
two words...techno handjob
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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