who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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