I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
