Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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