so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize