Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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