I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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