If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just cropdusted the office
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
