I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize