i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
