your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
