yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
