i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
