he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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