you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is Oprah even human
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
