Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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