I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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