Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your penis caused this!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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