I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
