They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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