The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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