mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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