I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
